My (totally honest) Musings on Motherhood

It's been 11 weeks now... 11 weeks of ups, down, sideways and criss-cross. One thing they don't tell you before the baby? Everything. Even with all the stories (make that HORROR stories) that a pregnant belly brings out, nothing I heard could have prepared me for the amazing challenge that began when he took his first breath. Never have I been so tired- college all-nighters have nothin' on a hungry baby. Never have I been so bewildered- "WHAT is WRONG with him??" And never have I been so fulfilled. Not that it was instant. I mean, let's be honest: the first few weeks are like the perfect storm, with just a few glints of sunshine breaking through the clouds. But each day gets clearer, and with every little sigh, the bond grows stronger. The utter and absolute love that washed over me with his first smile made the first weeks fade out into distant memory. And so it grows...

I guess I'm finally at the point where I can honestly say that it was all worth it. It's hard to be honest with oneself, to think that the moment I met Corban I wasn't overcome. Well, I was overwhelmed, but no instantaneous bond.

I heard it described as meeting a new friend. You click, you jive, you care about them... and in the case of a child, you'd throw yourself in front of a bus for them, but it takes TIME to grow a deep and meaningful relationship. And it does...

In 11 weeks, I've realized that it's ok. It's ok to let things go, to rely on pizza and take-out. It's ok to leave the house without makeup. It's ok to let him cry (a little). It's ok to feel like you're going to give up. Because like all those stories said, you're life will never be the same. YOU will never be the same. And it's ok...

All this to say: hang in there, new mom. Love grows, steadily and ever so determined-ly. And the feedings get faster, sleep gets longer and the laundry eventually gets done.